The Wheat and the Weeds: A Homeschooling Mother’s Reflection
My daughter is a senior this year, and I have been reflecting on the journey of getting her to this point. It has not been an easy road, but we have come to a place of peace. I am at peace with the formation I have been able to offer her and she is at peace with the opportunities she has been given to prepare her for adulthood. If I had to summarize it, though, I would do so by saying it’s been a process of letting the wheat and the weeds grow together. I have learned over the course of 12 years of homeschooling her that I can’t expect to be able to pick out all the negative influences, turn off all the technology or shelter her from all the evil fashions and trends that flaunt their way into the minds and hearts of our young people. In fact, the wisdom of Scripture has proved itself time and again, that when one tries to uproot all the weeds the wheat can get destroyed in the process. By holding on too tight, we can strangle our children’s gifts, their great capacity to be victorious and we can even chock their love of the faith.
So what is the solution? Do we not protect our kids, set down boundaries around technology, and prevent our children from worldly interactions that could corrupt their innocence?
I wish to share four thoughts that may help you as you discern your own approach to managing the dilemma of the wheat and the weeds in your homeschool - in particular, I imagine these helpful concerning decisions surrounding Technology, Friends, and Functions….the three primary areas of tension that I encountered with my daughter.
Remember, the answer doesn’t always have to be no. We are so quick to want to control our children and often disguise our obsession with perfection under a holy battle cry. Pause before you respond and truly seek to see if there is any way you can prudently, safely, and peacefully say yes. Some perceived evils are really just opportunities to help form self-control and the virtue of prudence in our children.
Like God reviled in his own parenting of us as his people, seek to discover when the time is right to move from a “though shalt not” parenting model to a “blessed are you when” parenting model. Most tweens and teens respond best with ample affirmation and by doing so we can raise the bar of our expectations and truly nurture a culture of mercy in our homes.
Sacrifice yourself. Invite friends into your home, stay up late to have the conversations that seem ridiculous, as they work out their opinions, philosophies and simply want to debate you to see if they can stump you. Choose to be the organizer of activities, the parent volunteer to drive and support wholesome activities. I admit, I didn’t do nearly enough of this and I sadly left her often with the impression that I didn’t care about her friends or her personal pursuits unless they aligned with the whole family’s schedule and needs.
Whenever possible surprise your kids by leveraging for joy, merriment, and positive lessons the very things they think you abhor. For example movies, music, fashion, social media, YouTube, dances, shopping, travel, trendy friend groups, parties, and even dating can all be powerful tools if we stretch ourselves to see through the lens of wisdom. After all, we have been called to be cunning as servants and gentle as doves. In doing os we will form memories that will attract our children back to principles and virtuous living long after they have left our nests.
Like good literature, the lesson often comes through the contrast between good and evil. The parable of Christ of the weeds and the wheat proves to us, that we must accept that everything isn’t always black and white and that we must learn to gracefully tolerate the world, especially if we wish to convert hearts and win the souls of our children. It is not easy to write such things when you are a people-pleasing, scrupulous, perfectionist like me. How could compromise ever seem like the path we are called to walk? But we all feel this truth in our inner hearts, right? It’s not really compromised, it’s striking harmony for the sake of nurturing the wheat. The weeds will get what’s coming to them. After all, it’s not our job to be our children’s saviors, but to lead them into love with the Savior. He will root out the darkness the minute our kids truly embrace their personal journey with the Master Gardener.
So fellow mama, join me in continuing to nurture the soil, creatively augmenting it with good compost, slimy worms, and even manure. These are the strange, often paradoxical gestures of love, affirmation, selflessness, and joy that keep the growth process alive. It’s not easy, but in due season the wheat will be ready for harvest.